i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
