There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
