Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
