There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
