he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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