I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize