He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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