i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize