it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
