I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
