My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
