I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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