the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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