If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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