Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
