Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
