on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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