then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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