If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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