I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
