I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
