Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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