So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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