It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
