He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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