YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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