very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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