he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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