I met the friendliest cop last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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