remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
