She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
