How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
