i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
