Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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