dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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