My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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