I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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