no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
