someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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