Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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