remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
