garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
