I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
should my penis look like a turkey
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
