He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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