So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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