last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
