question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
