As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
