Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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