My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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