Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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