Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
