Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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