Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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