Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
