didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
