Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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