I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.