You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He felt like a one man threesome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
