apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
