Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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