Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
