i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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