So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
