The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
