hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
