She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
