Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
