I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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