hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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